


I like you this way

by AbiRainicorn



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blind Violet, Clementine is 18, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt and comfort, Lesbian, Lesbian Sex, Smut, Violentine, Yuri, amputee clementine, apocalypse dildo, clem top, clementine dom, clementine top, louis is the ultimate strap on plug, strap on, vi and clem, violet and clementine - Freeform, violet bottom, violet sub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 01:52:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18768772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbiRainicorn/pseuds/AbiRainicorn
Summary: Clementine has reservations about her role in Minnie and Tenn’s death, about abandoning Violet and about Violet’s blindness, but Violet comforts her. Really intimate!! :D smut as hell





	I like you this way

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is.
> 
> I’m not gonna apologize for being gone because it’s not my fault, but my life has been shit. I had a mental health issue and got hospitalized and started a new treatment program and I also have feelings for someone. I had feelings for this person at the time of publishing my last fic but I conveniently kept it a secret lest I seem creepy.
> 
> But that’s dumb because crushes aren’t creepy, they’re human nature. It’s just that my feelings for this person are causing me distress because, due to my depression, my relationship with this particular person and writing are the only two things which cause me to feel any relevant positive emotions. So it sucks! Because I don’t know the probability of her feeling the same way or of anything working out, as much as I might like it to/try for it to. Even typing this is causing me anxiety. 
> 
> But one positive thing to come of it is that my imagination is vast; my fantasies plentiful. So I was able to write this, although I had no idea how to end it so sorry if it’s abrupt (but tbh who came for the plot anyway ;) ) and I’m able to pour all my emotions out and really relate to the characters, although I’m no amputee whose decisions led to my girlfriend’s blindness. But I can relate to having a lot of love to give, having my own guilt and struggles to work through, and having a strap on kink O.O
> 
> Anyway whenever this girl reads this fanfiction I’m fucked lol, so you’d better like it. If you’re reading this and you think it’s you, it’s probably you. And if you’re reading this and thinking it’s you but also thinking “but is it REALLY me tho??” It’s probably you. Why am I putting a confession of my feelings in the notes of a lesbian smut fanfiction? One, because if we ever end up together that’d be a funny as hell story to tell and two, you can just pretend you didn’t read this part and three, I don’t even know how I’d go about telling you directly. So don’t hate me. ;)
> 
> Song recommendation: uhhh how about umm Lifeforms- Daughter

Whenever you desire something, along comes the fear that you can’t have it. It’s a shame response. Perhaps because of some cacophony of reasons, we’re wired to believe that we ought not to get what we want most. The more we want it the more we fear. If it’s a person, the person we desire will think it’s stupid or not feel the same way or cut us out.

Clementine never knows how to initiate these things. She knows that she shouldn’t be so nervous, but the feeling still settles in her chest like a bad cold. Violet sits between her legs, back to chest, and Clementine catches her reflection in the bedroom window. 

She hopes Violet can’t feel her heartbeat on her back. That the vest, tee shirt, and long sleeves are enough of a barrier between them. As much as she doesn’t want one. 

It’s strange because they’ve kissed before. Touched each other. Had sex. But it’s always Violet to suggest it; never Clementine. And Violet is shy as is. It usually starts with Violet easing into it; pecking her lips. Making a face. Pulling her in again. She’ll hide her face somehow- maybe in Clementine’s neck- and say “touch me, Clem.”

She wants it to be herself this time, though. To kiss her first. Not have this fear of fucking up or making her uncomfortable. It’s stupid because she knows she could never make Violet uncomfortable if she tried. She knows Violet would enjoy not having to be the instigator for once and be able to just relax into it; albeit after a moment of shock, but still. She knows that, of all the things that could break their relationship, kissing her first isn’t one of them.

Still, she does nothing but sit pressed up to her girlfriend, running her fingers through her hair. Tangled. They somehow lost their hairbrush and haven’t set out to find another one. They can’t exactly stray from base, especially not together. Not with Clementine’s lack of a leg and Violet’s lack of vision. Violet says they “almost make a full pirate.”

So they spend their days curled up into one another, Clementine acting as Violet’s eyes. She chastises herself for being passive despite Violet’s inability to see. Clementine. Who’d cut down an entire hoard of walkers for her girlfriend. Who’s already killed real people for her. Who’d go through losing another leg for her; overwhelmingly submissive in relationships. It’s funny. 

Maybe it’s her fear of not being good enough for Violet. She can’t protect her like she used to, so she just does whatever Violet wants her to as a consolation of sorts. Guilt about her own injury. Not that it was her fault for acquiring it; it was Minerva’s- Violet’s ex girlfriend. Violet’s ex whose death was a result of Clementine’s actions. Oh, god. What’d she done.

She starts to feel sick. Right at the pit of her stomach up to her throat. It burns.

Violet can tell. “Clem, is something wrong?”

“No.”

Violet scoffs. “You’re a bad liar.”

Clementine says nothing.

“You know how I can tell something is wrong?” Violet asks, the rasp of her voice vibrating Clementine’s chest. Making it beat faster.

“No, and I’m not sure I wanna know.”

Violet rolls her sightless eyes, despite Clementine not being able to see it. “I can tell because you’re playing with my hair.”

Clementine’s eyes widen. “Do I not play with your hair when I’m not upset?”

“You do, but not like this.”

“Oh,” Clementine says, soft as a feather.

“And your heart is beating so fast it might light on fire. And you haven’t said anything to me for at least ten minutes.”

“Maybe I’m just tired, Vi.”

“Yeah, but you’re not.”

Clementine laughs uncomfortably. 

“Sorry,” Violet says. “I don’t mean to berate you. I just…” She sighs. “This has been happening a lot lately.”

“You berating me or me being… like trash?” Clementine rests her chin on top of Violet’s head.

“Um. Neither, because you’re not ‘like trash.’ I’m just worried about you.”

“Well, stop it,” Clementine says.

Violet’s laugh shoots straight to Clementine’s core. “Nope. Sorry.”

They sit in silence for a couple minutes, Clementine’s face falling more every second. Eyes staring at nothing. Unable to hide her deep breathing from Violet, who appears perfectly content to rise and fall on her chest. Clementine imagines they’re in the ocean together; her breathing acting as waves. She pulls Violet closer. Swimming is something she’d love to do if she still could. If she had more than one and a half legs and she could take Violet with her. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right, Clem?” Violet says, her eyes closed still. 

“I know.”

“I’m not just saying that, either. I mean it.”

“I know you mean it.”

“So what’s wrong?” Violet asks again. 

Clementine wets her lips, starting to shift away from Violet. Violet scoots back to press herself up to her again.

“Oh, nuh-uh. You’re not going anywhere.”

“No, I’m not,” Clementine says, holding Violet’s shoulders in place as she backs up. “Just trying something.”

Violet allows Clementine to shift her on the bed, Clementine coming to scoot in front of her. Now that she’s facing her, it’s more difficult to touch her without getting nervous, even without the pressure of someone watching her. Violet sits there, expecting.

Clementine’s voice is gravelly and sullen. “We can’t dance anymore.”

Violet frowns. “That’s why you’re upset?”

“Part of it.” 

“So what are you trying?”

Clementine giggles. “Sit-dancing.”

Violet returns a laugh. “Sit-dancing?”

“If that’s okay.”

“It’s more than okay.” Violet extends her hands for Clementine to place wherever she wants them.

She takes Violet’s soft hands in hers and drapes them over her shoulders. Violet’s hands always used to be calloused and rough, but now that they’re confined to Texas Two and not out yonder, Violet’s hands don’t get much action. She’s even fed by Clementine. Dressed by her. Bathed by her. Honestly, Clementine helps Violet in more ways than she has to, but both of them welcome it.

Violet stares right out in front of herself, the remnants of a smile still on her face. Her eyes devoid of most color, yet still so bright and full. Full of something Clementine wouldn’t be able to explain. Most people’s emotions and inner workings are contained in their eyes, but Violet’s reside within herself, her emotion expressing all over her body. All over her very being. Nothing is able to be hidden, and Clementine thinks of it as a secret between Violet and herself. Nobody will ever be able to read Violet like she can.

Clementine places her hands on Violet’s hips and begins to sway them back and forth. Letting the air move through them like blades of grass. She takes another look at Violet’s face- her mauve lips, weathered skin and round nose- and closes her eyes, breathing deep as the sea.

“This is nice,” Violet says, starting to move without Clementine’s guidance.

“You’re not being sarcastic?”

“Of course not,” she says, her voice almost a whisper.

“Good.”

She wants to explode all over Violet. Word-vomit. To have her mouth run a marathon and apologize for everything. Minnie. Tenn. Her leg. Letting the raiders take her. Her eyes.

How cold Violet was. Until Violet escaped the boat, she was convinced they were through. “Some fucking feelings you had for me,” she’d spat. And maybe not just through with her, but through with everyone else, too. To think that Violet believed Minnie would be a better person to turn to makes Clementine’s stomach tie itself in a knot.

But it was so dark, and so much was going on. She was gonna save Louis first. Then there was no time. And how her heart dropped. It hit the floor so hard it could’ve caused an earthquake. The night spent without Violet was sleepless and devoid of any hope. Clementine didn’t even know if Violet was still alive. 

She cried harder than she ever had before; so hard her chest ached and her eyes burned. Intrusive images of Violet’s corpse plagued her mind. All the ways she could’ve died; all the ways they could’ve tortured her- beat her down- until the only person she believed could provide her any solace was her ex, who later tried to kill her own little brother and the rest of the Ericson group. Who earlier killed her own twin sister. Who would undoubtedly kill Violet if she needed to, or maybe even when she didn’t.

But Clementine doesn’t say a word. She just allows a cry to overtake her face, reddening her skin and wrinkling her nose, as she holds her lover much farther away than she’d like to. And it seems Violet was expecting her to cry, because when Clementine sniffles, she doesn’t say a word either. She just slowly scoots closer so as not to accidentally bonk their faces together or something, and presses her face to the side of Clementine’s.

“Tell me. It’s okay.” Violet whispers, so close to her ear.

“I want to kiss you,” Clementine whispers back. It’s true, but it’s not the whole story.

“Why don’t you?”

“Because I’m so afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?” Violet moves to face her again.

“Fucking up.” Clementine wipes a tear from her eye.

Violet just slowly leans her head forward, pressing their foreheads together. Still swaying back and forth. Violet is close enough that Clementine can smell her. Somehow, despite the literal end of the world, she smells nice. Clementine enjoys the fact that she can keep her that clean. Violet’s like her own little porcelain doll. 

“I have no idea how you could do that,” Violet whispers, her breath hitting Clementine’s lips. 

“Neither do I, and that’s what scares me.”

They continue to sway, pressed together, Clementine’s heart lurching as she realizes how little effort it’d take to just lean in and kiss her lips. The only barrier is her own reluctance.

“You don’t have to be scared of anything when you’re around me.” Violet’s eyes are closed, entirely succumbing to the contact.

“Why not?” Violet’s breath is so warm and inviting. 

“Well. I can’t protect you like I used to, being fucking blind as a bat and all, so if there’s anything to worry about, kissing me isn’t something you should.” Violet wraps her hands around the back of Clementine’s neck.

Clementine’s laugh shakes both of them.

“What?” Violet asks.

Clementine’s smile creases her eyes, her tears trying to dry under them. “Sometimes you just say exactly what I need to hear.”

Violet smiles back, her mouth maybe an inch away. Still, Clementine continues to sit-dance with her. They can feel each other’s warmth on their faces, all pressed together. Their hands touching each other. Clementine realizing her grip’s gone slack, and Violet almost gasping when she tightens her hold. Her fingertips starting to press into the back of Clementine’s neck.

Clementine tries to stall. Her face prickles. “You shouldn’t have forgiven me.”

Violet scowls. “Why the fuck not?” 

Clementine feels as though any forgiveness on Violet’s part is just a result of manipulation she hadn’t even noticed she was doing. She’s unable to elaborate, instead opting to allow another tear to roll down her face. It’s hot.

Violet resists the urge to plant a kiss on her lips. She’s not ready. “Clementine. We’ve talked about this before. I don’t know how else to explain it to you.”

The scaffolding of Clementine’s body nearly crumbles beneath her as she forces a reply. “I just can’t imagine the absolute trauma I must’ve put you through when I killed her.” 

“Minnie?” Violet’s voice is soft.

Clementine utilizes silence as an answer.

“Clem, I’ve said this before. I’m not gonna lie. It was horrible. The whole situation.” She scoots a bit closer, her poor posture making her hang off Clementine like a sloth.

“See?” Clementine sniffles.

“But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Why not?” Clementine’s heard it a million times but she’d rather hear it again.

“Minnie was already gone, Clem. I saw it myself, on the boat. Hell, even in the woods. The Delta destroyed her.”

“Doesn’t mean I had to kill her.”

“You didn’t kill her. You just blame yourself.” Violet massages her thumb into the back of Clementine’s neck.

Ouch. The truth stings.

“She was gonna kill us. You did what you had to do.”

“I just wish it never had to get to that point.”

Violet nuzzles their noses together. “I’m just glad it wasn’t you.”

Clementine winces. This should feel good. It shouldn’t bite her like this.

Minnie’s eyes, as she died. Green like Violet’s used to be, but not the same shade. So wide they could pop out of her head, rolling around searching for her brother; although there was nothing behind her eyes. She was so gone already. Blood dribbling from her lips- God knows how it must’ve gotten there- sputtering out for Tenn. Half her face’s skin falling off the bone. Walkers chewing her apart with reckless abandon and she just let it happen. She didn’t even scream. It was as though she didn’t know it was happening; or maybe she didn’t mind it.

Sometimes Clementine wishes it was her. She wishes things went differently- that they could rescue Minnie from the Delta. Reunite her with Violet and have them live a happy, as-normal-as-possible life together. 

But as she feels Violet’s warm, plush skin under her clothes- Violet’s lips so close to hers- she allows herself to smile, just barely. And for awhile, in some sick and twisted way, she’s glad things went the way they did. Because how the hell would she live without her Violet?

How would she carry on without being able to care for her? It’s a feeling more intimate than anything else- to bathe her- and she really didn’t know what she was missing before Violet needed her to. They go down to the lake with soap, towels, buckets and anything else they need; somehow Marlon’s “safe-zone” becoming useful. There really aren’t any walkers that close to the school anymore. And Clementine helps Violet undress, their legs dangling off the dock, careful not to fall in because they’d be screwed.

Maybe the third time they did this, the sun beamed down less than usual, so they didn’t need to rush; Violet’s pale skin burns quicker than fire. But this time Clementine maneuvered around the dock on her knees, leisurely taking buckets of water and pouring them over Violet’s glistening skin. Violet leaned into her touch as she scrubbed soap into her hair, massaging all over her scalp. Sat in front of her to wipe the dirt from her face and she’d never seemed more peaceful since all the mess with the raiders. And at least then, Clementine didn’t blame herself for it.

She’d dressed her, gathered their things, and grew anxious at seeing Violet still sitting there on the dock, unmoving.

“Violet, are you ready to go?”

“I just wanted to tell you something first.”

Clementine set their things down and sat to face her. “I’m listening.”

“I love you, Clementine.”

Clementine smiled, baring all her teeth proudly. “I love you too, Violet.”

And now facing her feels just the same; her tiny lover. What she wouldn’t do to keep everything like this forever. They stop swaying, Violet playing with the hair at Clementine’s nape. Clementine tightens and loosens her grip on Violet, which both of them find soothing. She allows her shoulders to fall and relax and ever-so-slightly moves the fabric of Violet’s shirt away to feel her skin directly. Violet sighs.

Clementine backs away to look at her face, her eyes still closed. Her lips barely parted; her breathing measured. “I just want to know if I’m doing a good job.”

Violet’s off in another land. Clementine moves one hand to her face and Violet nuzzles it. “What do you mean?”

“I still wanna be useful. I wanna be good for you and AJ. I don’t want to drag everyone down.”

Violet opens her eyes for just a second. “You’re the most valuable thing in my life, Clem.”

“And you, mine.”

She wants to show it. Throw away her inhibitions and kiss her lips. Make up for all the times she was too nervous to. All the times they were apart; all the times they were in front of other people. The times she’d kissed her but not like she meant it.

So she brushes Violet’s hair from her face, feeling the skin of her cheek on her fingers. Scarred. Damaged. But so, so beautiful; as though someone sealed all of Violet’s cracks with gold. Her lips waiting, so close to hers, like she’s trying to make her job easier. So close that they could be part of one another. 

She tilts her head and they’re connected. It takes Violet a second to move her lips, but they still kiss like the world can fuck off. Violet’s hands still wrapped behind Clementine’s neck, both inhaling sharply despite knowing it was gonna happen. It’s as if every time they kiss is the first in terms of the feeling. Blossoming from the pits of their stomachs. Blooming into every extremity; their fingers tingling. Heat spreading throughout them. 

Violet pulls her closer, smooshing their lips together. Wet. Warm. Stays there for a second, overcome, and then moves again, her eyes squeezed shut. She has to remind herself to loosen her grip lest she dig her nails into Clementine’s skin. 

Any other kiss would feel wrong to Clementine. To Violet, too. Kissing other girls wasn’t like this. It was still nice, but kissing Clementine is like getting an affirmation of all her deepest wants; like she has no compromises. She’s soft. She’s warm. She’s smooth and sweet and every noise she makes is delicious. She fits against her body so softly, as though that’s where she could rest for the remainder of her life.

And then they separate and Violet keeps her eyes closed, moving her hand to feel Clementine’s cheeks. Her face is dotted with dried tears and Violet swipes her thumb over them, cleaning them off, just as Clementine would take care of her on the dock. 

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Violet whispers.

“It’s never hard to kiss you,” Clementine whispers back.

“I told you that you have nothing to worry about.”

Clementine smiles in response, Violet feeling her cheeks move under her fingers. Clementine moves her hands to either side of Violet’s face. “Your hair’s getting long.”

Violet’s eyes shoot open. “How long?!”

“Just shoulder length. Not too long.”

“Oh, god. You’ve gotta cut it for me.”

Clementine giggles. “Okay.”

Violet furrows her brows. “How long is your hair now?”

Clementine takes off her hat, placing it on the bedside table and undoes her hair from the little pigtails, moving Violet’s hands to touch her.

“Wow. It’s long,” she says, running her fingers through the locks. Playing with a curl between her index and thumb. “Maybe we need to cut yours, too.”

“You seem to be having a lot of fun for someone who wants my hair shorter.”

Violet sighs. 

Clementine allows her to play with all her curls, pulling on the ends and letting them boing back in place like a spring. Sun filters in through the window, dust floating around in the empty space. Birds chirp outside. Clementine wonders if their lives have changed at all since this started; if they know the world’s gone to shit. Violet told her once that she wishes she could fly away from it all, and now she can’t even walk without holding onto Clementine’s arm.

Clementine closes her eyes and feels her breath fill her and leave her. Feels Violet’s fingers brush her shoulders. Whenever they do, Violet lingers there, and Clementine knows she just wants an excuse to touch her. All she can think about is kissing her again, and feeling her skin under her hands. Watching her as her lips part; hearing her breathing quicken and deepen, her chest rising and falling. Moving into her touch.

“Is it okay if we lie down?” Clementine asks.

“Sure.”

Clementine helps Violet face her on the bed, their heads on the same pillow, sharing the same breath. If Violet could see she’d be looking deep into her eyes; how the gold threads through the brown. Now she closes her eyes and blushes hard, the pink a stark contrast to her fair skin. Her hands find Clementine’s and she weaves their legs together.

“Violet, what’s the thing you miss most about being able to see?”

Violet doesn’t skip a beat. “Looking at you.”

Clementine smirks. “Oh, ha-ha.”

Violet pouts. “What? I mean it.”

“It can’t be the only thing.”

Violet chews her lip, thinking. “Being able to go places without someone with me. The fact that I’d be fucked if I were left alone. Stargazing.” Clementine can see Violet’s face drop when she says it. 

“Damn, I miss stargazing too.” Clementine rubs her thumbs on the back of Violet’s hands.

“It was one of the only things that helped me just... forget it all, you know? Especially when I was with you. I could breathe again. It was perfect.”

“I wish I could help you to breathe in other ways.” Clementine scoots her face closer.

Violet whispers on her lips. “You can and you are.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Please.”

This time it’s softer and slower. Clementine lifts Violet’s chin with her finger and savors the unique, sweet taste of Violet’s lips. The way her head moves as she captures Clementine’s lips, over and over again. Nodding. Something stirs deep in her stomach. 

She thinks about touching her again; imagines kissing places lower than her mouth. Lower. Lower. There. She thinks about it for too long and whines into Violet’s mouth, Violet smiling against her. Their legs tense around each other and they bask in the glow of knowing what’s about to happen.

Clementine’s heart pounds, in her chest underneath a sparkling sheen of sweat as her hand pulls Violet’s head closer. She’s struck with nervousness about when to try slipping tongue. Now? No. What about now? And before she can decide, Violet’s tongue swipes at her like a question. Next time, she leaves her lips parted and Violet sneaks past them. Slippery and smooth. The feeling of it being gone as she withdraws is so wrong that next time their mouths open, Clementine meets Violet’s tongue and swirls it around her own, the sensation so enticing that it shoots to other places.

When they break away, Violet knows, because she shrugs out of her vest. “Help me?”

Clementine lifts both shirts over her head, shaking all the while. Despite them doing this a few handfuls of times, she still gets nervous undressing her. She gets nervous even when they’re not undressing to have sex. She instinctively closes her eyes when she does this usually, just so she doesn’t lose her shit, but this time she knows she doesn’t have to. She peels the layers off of her and watches every inch of skin as it’s revealed.

They lie back down and Clementine moves Violet’s arm away to look at her. Runs her fingers down that same arm, causing Violet to shiver. “You’re incredible.”

“Nah,” Violet says, her voice low.

“Um, yeah,” Clementine says. “I don’t hand out compliments like they’re free. I mean it.”

Violet lets a smile crease the corner of her mouth. “I bet you look perfect.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“You always did,” Violet says, her expression dropping. “Can I touch you?”

“Of course.”

Violet’s hand hovers in front of her as she wonders where to place it until Clementine recognizes her dilemma and takes it. She helps her to slip under the hem of her shirt, skirting up the fabric until she stops right between her breasts and leaves her there, sliding back out to hold Violet’s hip.

Violet closes her eyes and breathes before dragging her palm along Clementine’s skin, just a tad slippery. And then she trails off to the side and listens to Clementine stifling a gasp, her fingers digging into Violet’s skin. She moves along with Violet’s motions, forward and backward, her knee forced to move all the while in between Violet’s legs. Violet sucks in a breath.

Then she tugs on Clementine’s shirt and she takes it off, letting it drop to the floor. She sets her hand back as a guide and follows her head to it, kissing between Clementine’s breasts, tasting the salt of her skin.

Clementine thinks of her kissing lower. She closes her eyes and concentrates on the sensation- wet and warm- and the little sounds her lips make as she releases her skin.

She kisses to the side instead and Clementine can’t help but watch her peaceful face, as though this is melting all of her worries. At this point her knee is square at the crux of Violet’s legs.

She kisses closer. Closer. Closer yet, and she’s almost there when Clementine tilts her head back and closes her eyes, leaning into her. And then she latches on, sucks, and Clementine shifts, causing her knee to slide and Violet instinctively bear hugs her, grinding on her as she flicks her tongue.

“Fuck, Vi.” Clementine breathes.

Violet only hums, moving back from her legs and kissing back to her sternum, finally moving her head back and pressing a quick kiss to Clementine’s lips. 

They lie just like that for awhile, feeling one another and shifting to try and relieve whatever pressure they’re feeling. Then Clementine moves her finger to Violet’s chest and starts drawing the same pattern over and over.

Violet giggles. “Clem, what are you doing?”

Clementine smiles. “Drawing constellations.”

Violet returns a smile and Clementine is thankful for her idea. “What one is it?”

“Can you guess?” Clementine traces it a couple more times.

“Hmmm,” Violet says. “Give me some clues.”

“They can be all different colors.”

“Are they an animal?” 

“Yes.”

Violet thinks. “Where do they live?”

“Aww. That’d give it away.”

“How many legs do they have?”

Clementine groans. “Zero.”

“Fish! Too easy.” Violet smiles, her voice soft.

“You ask for the most obvious clues.”

“Do not,” Violet argues.

Clementine just starts drawing another pattern, thinking of how things were before. Their first date, if you could consider it that; stargazing. Somehow the air smelled cleaner and every star seemed brighter than usual. Little pops of light in the sky like unmoving fireworks. They felt them all throughout their bodies as well. A stolen glance here, another pop. A moment of silence there, another miniature explosion. 

Then Violet was talking about how she didn’t want Clementine to leave and that she liked her more than a friend and then started second guessing herself and waited for Clementine to respond but she couldn’t think of anything to say and then their lips were touching. At first it was unsure, like neither one knew if it was welcome, but Violet’s lips were soft and warm and she pressed into them. They separated and she saw Violet’s eyes, wide and unblinking, and wondered how this hadn’t happened before. Like they should’ve always been this way.

“What one are you drawing now?” Violet asks.

“The little dipper.”

Violet giggles. “The little dipper? Why not the big one?”

Clementine scoffs. “Because it’s not fuckin’ big.”

“O-kaaay.”

She draws the little dipper over and over again. Violet’s always the little spoon. The first time they slept in the same bed they lied on their backs for awhile, staring at the ceiling, both wanting to hold each other but not knowing how to initiate. Then Violet flipped over on her side and took Clementine’s hand, pulling her around her, and they fell asleep just like that.

Since Violet’s lost her eyesight, she sleeps a bit closer. Despite the reason why, Clementine welcomes it. They don’t even need a blanket some nights. 

“What’s the first thing you’d do if it weren’t the apocalypse?” Violet asks.

Clementine draws her last little dipper. “I’d go to a restaurant and eat something decent.”

“Really? Nothing grand like running away to the mountains?”

“You said the first thing.” Clementine starts drawing another pattern.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”

Clementine continues to trace her pattern, dragging over Violet’s skin as soft as her skin is light. Her veins are just barely visible, converging and diverging like little rivers under her skin. “What would you do?” 

“I’d fuckin’ shave.” Violet scowls.

Clementine laughs. “I mean, we do have knives.”

“Yeah but it doesn’t get all of it. And I’d have to get you to do it and that’s kind of embarrassing.”

Clementine shakes her head. “Nahhh.”

“‘Nahhh’ what?” Violet asks.

“It wouldn’t be embarrassing.”

“What if someone walked in? How do you even begin to explain that?”

“I’d make you a smooth baby girl,” Clementine says, trying to sound like a kid.

“Ew, no! Forget I said anything.” Violet rolls her eyes.

“What if someone walked in right now?”

“What do you mean, ‘what if?’” Violet jabs her side.

“I mean, what would we do?”

Violet scoffs. “Tell ‘em to fuck off, I guess.”

Clementine loses her breath for a second.

“What are you drawing now?” Violet asks.

“A flower,” Clementine says, stealing glances at Violet’s body. It only serves to frustrate her.

“What kind?”

“Violets, perhaps?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Violet groans. Still, she’s unable to hide her smile.

Clementine notices her knee, still right at that spot. She almost trembles when she realizes she would just have to move it-

“I actually don’t know what violets look like,” she says, interrupting her own thought process.

Violet looks up, as if searching for an answer. “You ever heard of pansies?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, like that,” she says, losing her breath too when Clementine slows down her tracing. She stutters. “They’re a wildflower.”

“You’re a wildflower,” Clementine says.

“Oh my god, stop picking on me,” Violet says, sighing.

“Fiiine. I’ll ask you a question, then.”

“What?”

“What flower would I be?”

Violet stops to think, her face twitching this way and that before she discovers her answer. “A honeysuckle.”

“...A honeysuckle.”

“You ever had one of those?”

“Yeah, just… why a honeysuckle?”

“It’s totally not because you’re super sweet or anything,” Violet says, failing at hiding her face behind her hair.

“Oh, stop it.” Clementine jokes.

“You asked!”

Clementine scoffs.

Violet continues. “Also, you’re good with kids, and kids love honeysuckles.”

Clementine starts to trail her finger lower.

“Plus they’re really- shit. Really small and light and I feel like you’d be like that if you were a flower.”

Clementine passes over Violet’s naval. “Really? Because I’d imagine you’d be like that.”

She stops, gazing deep into Violet’s eyes, trying to predict what’s going on in her mind. What she’s thinking of as Clementine drags her fingertip below her stomach. Starts drawing patterns there. Violet forces her eyes shut and tries in vain to steady her breathing, instead deciding to wrap her hand around Clementine’s wrist.

Clementine whispers. “Is this okay?”

Violet nods. She finds Clementine’s face instead, allowing her to move her hand.

The sound of Clementine undoing her belt is enough to make her squirm, as though she’s associated the noise with being touched. She jumps when the metal of the belt clanks against the wooden floor and jumps again when Clementine places her hand back.

“Y’know, I’m kind of glad you can’t shave.”

Violet’s voice is shaky. “Why’s that?”

Clementine slips past her waistband. Violet gasps, just loud enough to hear. “Because I like you this way.” She threads her fingers through Violet’s hair, Violet’s shaky breath on her lips. “I don’t know why; I just do. You’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Violet says, tilting her hips into Clementine’s hand.

The accident left Violet’s face heavily scarred. Her eyes clouded over. Still there’s so much behind them; a depth greater than the room. She can’t see but Clementine swears it feels like she can, or at least that her imagination fabricates something just as real, because when she starts to spin her fingers like a dial, Violet’s mouth draws open, a whimper tumbling from her. Her brows knitted together, eyes in a dead stare straight to Clementine’s. Thumb swiping at Clementine’s cheek as if to check that she’s still there.

She dips her head and presses a kiss to Violet’s chest. Then her sternum. Then under that. Under that. Lower, lower, lower- just above the waist of her pants- and Violet’s already wriggling out of them, kicking them to the floor. Clementine’s hair follows her down like a trail. Violet manages to close her legs, her arms bent and hands resting at either side of her head.

“Are you alright?” Clementine asks.

“Just nervous.”

“You don’t have to be. It’s just the two of us here.”

“I know.”

“I’m gonna touch you, okay?”

“Please.”

Violet opens her legs again as Clementine’s hand comes to slide down her thigh and back between them. She scoots her entire body between, lying on her stomach, and nips at Violet’s thighs. Closer, closer, closer, and then misses. Sucks hard enough to leave a mark.

Violet’s breath catches in her throat, breathing so deep her ribs show, and Clementine takes her hand to reassure her. She manages a little smile before her mouth falls open again.

And then the only things that exist in the room are Violet’s short breaths, huffing out of her tired lungs. Her hips rolling her butt into the bed. The rustling of fabric. Her cunt growing wetter against Clementine’s mouth; her heels resting on Clementine’s back. Their hands slick against one another from sweat. Her taste. Her smell, which could only be described as warm. Warm as the rest of her.

Clementine keeps getting distracted, despite this. Although it’d seem there could be nothing better than being right where she is, doing just what she’s doing, her fantasies flit in the forefronts of her mind like paper airplanes being thrown about the room. She teases Violet’s entrance with the tip of her tongue and the vision of pounding her is forced into her mind. She drags it up, up, up, reaches her clit, and when Violet twitches she imagines their faces inches apart as she enters her, Violet’s moans so close to Clementine’s mouth that she could eat them.

So she plants kisses up Violet’s body, taking her time and leaving no space between them, because she knows she needs to refocus. She kisses her collarbones, her neck, her jaw, and then lands on her lips. Despite the rest of her now relaxed enough to be asleep, Violet kisses back. Clementine hovers over her like a cage as they break away.

Clementine speaks when Violet opens her eyes. “I have… um. Something to tell you.”

Violet’s eyes shoot open. “Oh no.”

“No, don’t freak out so soon!”

“I mean, you stopped everything to tell me, so it’s gotta be serious.” Violet feels her way up to Clementine’s shoulders and wraps her arms around her neck.

“It’s serious but… not.”

“Tell me, already,” Violet says, her concern unwavering.

Clementine takes a breath. Then she spits it out. “Louis found something in the woods.” She says it so quick it could be one word.

“Um… okay? What did he find?”

Clementine falls beside Violet, facing her as they were before. “Oh, god. I don’t even know how to begin explaining this to you.”

“Clem.”

Again, she spits out the sentence as one word. “A strap-on.”

Violet startles. “A what?”

Clementine allows her talking to slow. “Louis found a strap-on in the woods.”

“I’m not hearing you correctly.”

“You are.”

Violet lets a few moments of silence to fall between them. “Louis found a strap-on.”

“He did.”

“And?”

“I kept it, and it’s under the bed. Right now. And I want to use it with you.”

Violet erupts with laughter, half from discomfort and half from disbelief. “You can’t be serious right now.”

To prove it, Clementine hooks her arm under the bed and pats the floor until she finds it. She takes Violet’s hand and helps her to wrap around the toy, and confusion contorts her face.

“Oh, no way. That’s way too big.” Violet has a million questions to ask and no order in which to ask them.

“We can stop if it hurts.”

“How did you even react? Like, what the hell happened? How’d he find this thing?” Violet continues to touch it, getting an idea of what it looks like.

“He came up to me and knowing him it was like ‘oh, shit. What’d you do this time?’ And to make it worse, he came up to my room while I was alone to show me.”

“Wait, when are you ever alone?”

“It was that one time. When he was scouting.”

“Ohhh.” Violet’s voice shakes.

“I was naturally like ‘what the fuck,’ and he had this grin on his face.”

“Ah, that one.”

“Yeah. And I don’t think we said another word to each other because he all but threw it at me and left.”

“That’s kind of unlike him.”

“Yeah, but how weird would it seem if anyone saw? Louis was out scouting and brought a secret package to me?”

“Literally a package,” Violet says, emphasizing by dragging her hand down the length. “What color is it? It better not be, like, bright hot pink or something.”

“...And if it was?”

“Oh, god. Is it really?”

“No, it’s green.”

“What kind of green?”

“Grass green, maybe?”

Violet breathes, her eyebrows knit together, testing the girth with her fingers. Clementine has to stop herself from squealing at both her excitement and how adorable Violet looks.

Violet speaks. “How’d he even find this?”

“I have no idea.”

“This is fucking insane.”

“Oh, I know.”

Violet swallows. “Is it clean?”

Clementine mocks her. “No, I’m gonna put a dirty apocalypse dildo in you.”

“Sick!”

They both scoff at themselves.

“So, your verdict?” Clementine asks.

“Let’s do it.”

“Really?”

“Why not?”

And then Clementine’s lost again, looking at her face. Her anticipation etched into every line. How her eyes fall on random objects in the room, as if she can see them; her lips prying apart slowly.

She whispers. “Let me touch you.”

So Clementine takes her hand and places it at her waistband and Violet only wriggles her hand into it, fitting her palm into the inside of Clementine’s underwear as she buckles against her touch. Violet humors her for a moment, massaging her with the ball of her hand, and then stops when Clementine whimpers.

“Okay, those pants need to come off,” she says. Clementine agrees.

So she all but tears them off her body, not caring that they’re inside out and she’s gonna need to fix that later. She slings off her underwear, too, and then figures out the harness.

It fits snug against her, but not uncomfortably so if not for her arousal. Violet waits for her, lying on her side, and she takes a moment to admire her body and the way it sinks into the bed before helping her to lie on her back and straddling her.

“Are you sure you wanna do this, Vi? It’s fine if you don’t.”

Violet nods her head frantically. “I’m just nervous. Just start and I’ll be fine.”

“Tell me if it hurts.”

“Of course.”

Clementine shifts to kneel between her thighs, her hands shaking as she positions the head to Violet’s entrance, Violet squirming in front of her. Her brows furrowed, eyes falling somewhere on the ceiling. She takes a moment to let Violet prepare and then slides her hips forward, pushing in maybe an inch.

Violet lets out a huge sigh.

“Are you okay?” Clementine asks.

Violet nods. “You can do more.”

So Clementine holds Violet’s hips, Violet’s own hands coming to rest on top of them, and she slides in the rest of the way. Violet squeaks when Clementine’s buried completely. Her heart pounds at the sight below her. Violet’s disheveled hair and rosy pink cheeks, chest glistening with sweat.

“I’m gonna go slowly.”

“Okay.”

She withdraws almost all the way and then slips back in as slowly as she began. And Violet must be dripping wet because she withdraws again and hits harder next time with no inconvenience. Violet begins to moan in no particular pattern, hiking her legs up so her feet rest at her butt.

“You want me harder?”

“Harder,” she echoes, more like a breath than a voice.

And she does, the straps of the harness digging in to all the right places. Her thumbs pressing into the milky-whiteness of Violet’s skin. 

She could be dreaming. Violet had mentioned to her before that this is something she’d like to try if it were easier, and the thought hadn’t left her mind since. She’d even dreamt of it a couple times. Now having it actually happen feels so surreal, like she’s living in a twilight state. Like every breath finds her lungs itself. Like every thrust is breaking her a bit more.

For a moment she wonders what the other kids at the school think of them being together. What they thought of Violet and Minerva. If they think the way Violet and her appreciate one another is strange. Violet hanging off her arm at every waking moment, joined at the hip, Clementine feeding her and bathing her and basically having this symbiotic relationship only achievable by being completely and wholeheartedly in love.

Then she feels the rumble of Violet’s breath leaving her and she doesn’t care. Sees the pink of Violet’s lips, the blush high on her cheekbones and her sea glass eyes and cares even less.

But Violet’s not there yet, and Clementine imagines what she did earlier- their faces inches apart- and her hips stutter thinking of it before she sinks in and shifts to hover over Violet. Arms propping her up, paused movement.

She whispers, “Is this better?”

Violet only kisses her briefly, planting her affirmation on her lips. And then Clementine notices Violet’s hands still at the sides of her head and takes them, forced to hold them down in order to prop herself up.

“Is it okay if I hold you down?” Clementine is surprised at just how shaky her excitement has left her voice.

Violet closes her eyes and nods, her breath still coming out in puffs.

“I’m gonna start again, alright?”

When Violet nods this time, she squeezes Clementine’s hands. And then she starts.

At this angle, it makes it harder to pull out all the way, but somehow Clementine manages. It’s as though this is causing Violet’s breaths to deepen, her inhale sputtering when Clementine’s entering her, almost sighing when she’s leaving. She loves that she can cause her to do that, and she tries her damndest to make it worse.

“Harder?” Clementine asks.

“Mm-hmm,” she responds. Clementine knows she’s wonderfully overwhelmed because she can’t speak when she is.

She withdraws and then thrusts into her again.

“Ah-“ She stifles a moan by closing her mouth, the rest of it escaping through her nose as a hum.

Clementine’s almost breathless. “That good?”

Violet nods. She throws her head back as if to expose as much of her neck as possible and Clementine dips to kiss it but finds she’s not skilled at multitasking, because she stops moving except her lips, and Violet compensates by wiggling her hips, her legs still drawn up.

She moves with force but somehow simultaneously as though Violet could break. It makes this deliciously wet sound, which makes Clementine want to taste her at the same time, if it were possible. She can tell that the sound is either turning Violet on or embarrassing her because she keeps writhing every time it gets louder. Then she squeezes Clementine’s hands, almost a flutter.

“Clem.”

“Mm-hmm?”

She whispers Clementine’s nickname, like a chant. Over and over.

“Are you close?”

“Mm-hmm,” Violet says, and her grip on Clementine’s hands goes so tight it turns her knuckles white. She’s trying to get herself to stop.

Clementine notices this and slows down just enough. “Hey, Vi.”

She forces out a breath, whimpering.

“It’s okay. Come for me.”

It’s as though that’s all she needed to be told. She comes in a way that couldn’t be described as anything other than peaceful; her hips barely lifting off the bed, whispering Clementine’s name, riding it out as Clementine slows her movements. She’s all bone and muscle and fragile things. “Kiss me,” she breathes.

Still inside of her, Clementine captures her lips. Violet doesn’t kiss at all how Clementine expected she would when she realized her feelings for her. Violet’s all bite and bark and rough around the edges in personality, like someone you’d expect would act double her size or more. She thought kissing her would be the same, but she’s befitting for her size in that regard. Small. Soft and delicate. One would think she’d lead but she doesn’t. She doesn’t follow, either. She more so knows what she wants.

But it’s not taking. She’s all give, give, give. She offers her body, her noises, flavors, fragrances; and even when they’re done sharing with one another in this way, all of those things are somehow still tangible in Clementine’s mind. Like all the trust they’ve worked together to build and grow is this thing that is sensed between them at all times. When Violet holds on to her. When they have little conversations about anything and everything. 

“You didn’t come,” Violet says.

“How do you know?” Clementine asks, releasing her arms and hands, still straddling her.

Violet just trails one of her hands down Clementine’s stomach, past the toy. She gives way to her touch. “Clem.”

“Yes?”

“I want to taste you.”

She wrestles her way out of the harness, tossing it to the floor and lies on her side, guiding Violet’s hand back to her. She uses her other to find Clementine’s throat and she kisses it, her head tucked under Clementine’s chin. And then she finds herself going lower without really thinking about it, each kiss sending shockwaves through Clementine’s body like the epicenter of an earthquake. She couldn’t keep still even if she tried.

She lifts up one of her legs and Violet takes her hip, pushing her onto her back, struggling a bit to find her way between Clementine’s thighs but eventually gets there and lies on her stomach. She offers one hand to Clementine and Clementine takes it, her other hand coming to thread through Violet’s hair.

And then she’s tasting her, her tongue lolling around as though she were licking droplets off a popsicle. Precise but too overcome by the sensation to have any sort of eagerness or energy. She behaves like they could be here forever, and her breathing does the same thing it does when she’s being touched. Like this is getting her off just as much.

But she doesn’t use her other hand to touch herself. She snakes it from around Clementine’s thigh to the bed and lifts her head to ask, “You want me inside you?”

Clementine hadn’t even thought of it for some reason, but she finds herself saying yes before she gets time to. Violet could taste how worked up she already is and slid in two fingers right off the bat.

“Fuuuck,” she breathes, and the sensation of both being filled and being licked overwhelms her. 

Then her head’s swirling with all the times this has happened before, because every time this happens it’s just hard to believe it’s actually… happening. Like their first. Minnie and Violet hadn’t actually had sex much, so Violet was almost as new to it as Clementine was. And both of them were so nervous that it took a whole lot of desire to override it. 

Violet had to essentially spit out what she wanted Clementine to do and how she wanted her to do it but, despite their nerves, both of them found it arousing to have to look each other in the eyes and say it. And then it follows.

But now they just know, so they don’t say much. And their first time was awkwardly quiet, both of them having mentioned that it’s okay to make noise but neither of them actually being comfortable enough to listen to their own advice. So the first time either of them made any considerable amount of noise was their second time, and it was so wonderful that they both kicked themselves for not being more confident.

Now Clementine knows that when she whimpers and squeezes Violet’s hand that Violet’s smiling on the inside. Her eyes may be closed and she may be focused but she’s listening, and Clementine’s amazed every time how her moans just seem to tumble out of her mouth without her prompting them, like all of it is Violet’s doing.

And then she opens her eyes to see Violet’s face exposed, head bobbing up and down as her tongue works her, and she can’t help herself from coming into her mouth. Violet doesn’t even stop to acknowledge it, instead working her down and swallowing and sighing. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” she says, and kisses her cunt before coming to rest beside her again.

“You’re beautiful,” Clementine adds.

“Am I, now?” Violet asks, and Clementine turns to face her.

“That’s why I came,” she says. “You’re not allowed to say I’m beautiful. You can’t see.”

Violet widens her eyes. 

“Kidding,” Clementine corrects. “Although I don’t know how you could find me beautiful.”

“You want me to list it?”

“Knock yourself out.”

“In every way that doesn’t involve seeing. The sound of your voice. The way you feel. All the things you do. It’s all just… Ugh. It’s great.” Then her face tenses.

“Vi, why do you look like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you just smelled something bad.”

She scoffs. “Because I can’t stop thinking about Louis.”

Clementine startles. “What?!”

“He found a strap-on in the woods.”

“Oh.” Clementine sighs.

“What’d you think I meant?”

“You know, in hindsight, it’s stupid.” They share a moment of silence. “But yeah. It took me awhile to live it down.”

Violet’s voice is cautious. “How long is ‘awhile’?”

“Oh. Like, a day.”

“Wait, how long have you had this thing?” Violet says.

Clementine lowers her voice. “... a day.”

“Oh my god, Clem,” Violet says. “You couldn’t wait longer than a day to get it in me?”

“...nope.”

Violet just sighs. “Louis has never been the reason I’ve gotten some.”

Clementine laughs.

It’s when she snuggles up to Violet, face to face, legs tangled together that she realizes why she tries. Why the fear of loss is worth it. When she feels Violet’s breath as she sleeps and when Violet reaches out for her hands in a dazed state. She holds them and it’s as though she could never let go of this moment; this togetherness.

And she doesn’t have to.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback, it helps me out :3


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